What I Want

I was up late last night, thinking not just about my paper topics, but also about me. I tend to be kind of rough on myself, kind of judgmental, kind of scrutinizing. Some of it has to do with confidence, but some of it is just standards. I have very clear ideas about who I'd like to be, while being just as aware of who I actually am now. A lot of this tends to mirror and respond to the people around me, or the people I imagine may be around me someday.

So last night, I was thinking about who I want to be to you, you who are dear and precious to me, you whoever may manage to reach me. I want to be the good influence, that shows you what's good for you without telling you to change who you are. I want to be the force that grounds you when you get too far off base. I want to be the smile you can't seem to get at when you just think about it on your own. I want to be the rock you lean against when you're too weary to keep walking. I want to be the little bird that listens when you have something to say you can't say to anyone else. I want to be the distraction you need when you've got to forget about life for a while. I want to be the love you settle into when you close your eyes to the uncertainty of sleep. I want to be the notebook where you write down all your aspirations, and the pencil you cross each one off with as you get just what you want. I want to be the scene you see when you feel yourself suddenly inspired. I want to be your anchor when you feel too far out to sea. I want to be your happiness. I want to do right by you. I want, I want, I want. I must find a way to DO.