I was going through my twitter account the other day looking for these personal rules I started making up when I first came back to Philly and I was trying to make a new life for myself. I had the idea recently to keep going with it, since things are a lot better now and I remembered that they made me pretty happy. And anyway I'm terrible at taking my own advice, and I thought keeping track of it might help. So I found my rules. I think I'm gonna start calling them "the code," just so I can say, when something goes wrong, "keep to the code," like a good little pirate. Unfortunately, to get there, I had to read through some old memories, too, things I'd really rather not remember going through. I have to remind myself when I'm tempted to be bitter that I did in fact get through it, and I'm possibly stronger and better for the experience. Here they are:
Rules for life, #1: do things that make yourself and no one else happy
Rules for life, #2: take pleasure in every single sensation
Rules for life, #3: fitness classes called "boot camp" are not as fun as you'd think, a.k.a. think things through
Rules for life, #4: always say how you feel, no matter what it is
Rules for life, #5: stretch all the way out on your queen size bed, because you deserve to
Rules for life, #6: if other people on the subway can clearly hear the music coming out of your headphones, it is too loud, a.k.a. don't be a dick
Rules for life, #7: nothing is ever as hard as you tell yourself it will be when you put it off for one more day
Rules for life, #8: always have the right song ready
I just added that last one today, when Kati was telling me about a dream she had wherein her exes (boys I would skin alive if I ever met them on the street) were texting her all the bad things they thought of her. I didn't know what to say, but I shook my head and changed the track on the stereo to "According to You" by Orianthi, because fuck those guys.
No matter how horrible people tell you that you are after a breakup, you aren't a bad person. You just have to know deep down they're hurting and they can't express themselves properly, so they lash out. You ought to feel for them, though it can be difficult to sympathize at the time. The song is about the way the ex used to see her and treat her, and the way another better lover cares for her and shows her just how good it can be. Even if you're hurting or angry, it's not right to lash out. Hearts don't break permanently. It will stop hurting someday. There will be love for you again.
Look at me, I used to write these idealistic blogs back in high school, a lot of real sappy bullshit. Then I got my heart broke and quit writing for the longest time, at least anything of any real consequence to my life. I used to think I wanted to blog politically, that somehow through sharing my ideas and words I could help change humanity for the better. And maybe I still can, when I get older and wiser and certainly better at it.
I got into this business, in fact, because I've got it in my dumb head that I can save the world. Somehow, some breakthrough I have, some sacrifice I make, can change lives for the better. I don't want fame or the Nobel prize money, I just want to make people smile. You can challenge me for disingenuous, you can call me an empty-headed, bleeding heart idealist if you like, but I mean that with every fiber of my being. The only thing that makes me feel happy and worthwhile is making others happy, often at the expense of my own happiness. I know it's not the best thing to tie my self-worth to, and it's got me hurt in the past, but I wouldn't change a thing, 'cause damn it, I have principles. I don't eat meat and I don't tell lies and the most important thing I can do is to make you happy. Yes, you.
And all of that sappiness has distracted me for long enough. I'm in my office with Kati, drinking vodka and trying to do my homework. There's somewhere I'd rather be, baby, but I know being here is the right thing to do if I'm gonna survive my semester. Anyway, it's kinda nice to sit and study here just the two of us, it's actually pushing me to git 'er done (well, not right this second, but you know what I mean.) I just have to make it to Friday.
In closing, a song lyric for you:
"We've got a long way to go to get there, we'll get there,
But if there's one thing we know, it's that we will not grow old."
-Lenka
Rules for life, #1: do things that make yourself and no one else happy
Rules for life, #2: take pleasure in every single sensation
Rules for life, #3: fitness classes called "boot camp" are not as fun as you'd think, a.k.a. think things through
Rules for life, #4: always say how you feel, no matter what it is
Rules for life, #5: stretch all the way out on your queen size bed, because you deserve to
Rules for life, #6: if other people on the subway can clearly hear the music coming out of your headphones, it is too loud, a.k.a. don't be a dick
Rules for life, #7: nothing is ever as hard as you tell yourself it will be when you put it off for one more day
Rules for life, #8: always have the right song ready
I just added that last one today, when Kati was telling me about a dream she had wherein her exes (boys I would skin alive if I ever met them on the street) were texting her all the bad things they thought of her. I didn't know what to say, but I shook my head and changed the track on the stereo to "According to You" by Orianthi, because fuck those guys.
No matter how horrible people tell you that you are after a breakup, you aren't a bad person. You just have to know deep down they're hurting and they can't express themselves properly, so they lash out. You ought to feel for them, though it can be difficult to sympathize at the time. The song is about the way the ex used to see her and treat her, and the way another better lover cares for her and shows her just how good it can be. Even if you're hurting or angry, it's not right to lash out. Hearts don't break permanently. It will stop hurting someday. There will be love for you again.
Look at me, I used to write these idealistic blogs back in high school, a lot of real sappy bullshit. Then I got my heart broke and quit writing for the longest time, at least anything of any real consequence to my life. I used to think I wanted to blog politically, that somehow through sharing my ideas and words I could help change humanity for the better. And maybe I still can, when I get older and wiser and certainly better at it.
I got into this business, in fact, because I've got it in my dumb head that I can save the world. Somehow, some breakthrough I have, some sacrifice I make, can change lives for the better. I don't want fame or the Nobel prize money, I just want to make people smile. You can challenge me for disingenuous, you can call me an empty-headed, bleeding heart idealist if you like, but I mean that with every fiber of my being. The only thing that makes me feel happy and worthwhile is making others happy, often at the expense of my own happiness. I know it's not the best thing to tie my self-worth to, and it's got me hurt in the past, but I wouldn't change a thing, 'cause damn it, I have principles. I don't eat meat and I don't tell lies and the most important thing I can do is to make you happy. Yes, you.
And all of that sappiness has distracted me for long enough. I'm in my office with Kati, drinking vodka and trying to do my homework. There's somewhere I'd rather be, baby, but I know being here is the right thing to do if I'm gonna survive my semester. Anyway, it's kinda nice to sit and study here just the two of us, it's actually pushing me to git 'er done (well, not right this second, but you know what I mean.) I just have to make it to Friday.
In closing, a song lyric for you:
"We've got a long way to go to get there, we'll get there,
But if there's one thing we know, it's that we will not grow old."
-Lenka
No comments:
Post a Comment